Lone Wolf once saw on TV a man with a tattoo that said, “Playing it safe kills your soul.” The man was good looking, well-built, adventurous. Lone Wolf figured the man probably had little trouble getting laid so he immediately came to idolize the man. He took the message of the tattoo to heart.
When he was 18 he decided to stop playing it safe and shrugged and bragged his way into a marriage with the felonious stripper Dee Lite. Dee Lite was in her early-40s, and had spent a dozen years in prison at various points in her life for any and every felony you can think of: larceny, breaking and entering, DUI, drug possession and intent to distribute, domestic violence, attempted murder, leashing an alligator to a fire hydrant within the Rio Frio city limits, etc. Lone Wolf was 17 when they met and started dating. They married six months later when Lone Wolf had managed to procure a fake ID that stated he had turned 18, and they immediately began having kids. When Furious had left Rio Frio two years after the wedding, Lone Wolf and Dee Lite had already had two kids, both boys, both of whom were named “Lone Wolf.”
Upon Manny Furious’s return to Rio Frio, El Crow told him that Lone Wolf and Dee Lite had remained married for seven more years and Dee Lite had, with the help of various fertility treatments and chemicals, popped out another five kids, including three girls, all five of whom were named, “Lone Wolf.” After the last Lone Wolf was born, Dee Lite left Lone Wolf for Lone Wolf’s father, the world-renowned Jazz xylophonist, Nico Cornelio. They’ve been together ever since.
When Manny Furious asked Lone Wolf how he felt about the whole situation he shrugged in a manner that suggested he was trying to say he didn’t care. But he was always a terrible liar and Manny Furious knew the shrug really meant he was one rude supermarket cashier away from diving throat-first onto a rusted bone saw.
Just then, Lone Wolf’s cell phone rang (no one could ever figure out why he had one). He answered and it was Nico Cornelio asking if Lone Wolf would be at work the next morning.
“He works as an engineer in Nico’s recording studio,” El Crow clarified.
Manny Furious nodded.
Lone Wolf shrugged and mumbled something that might have been, “bye” and then Furious could hear Nico tell him that Dee Lite was going to make a big breakfast before work and they’d make sure to leave him some if he were running late.
The whole thing was beyond bizarre.
“This whole thing is beyond bizarre,” Furious whispered to El Crow.
“Don’t do that, Furious.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t judge. It takes all kinds, Furious.”
“I’m not judging.”
“You just said it was bizarre.”
“Because it is.”
“Calling a duck a duck is not judging. It’s calling something what society generally accepts and expects it to be called.”
“That’s mob-rule, Furious.”
Lone Wolfe shrugged in a way that meant, “Quack.”
Manny Furious just shrugged.