THE ADVENT OF THE WORD VIRUS ACCORDING TO DIPSHIT EXTRAORDINAIRE ARTEMUS MAGNUSSEN….

According to Artemis Magnussen, in his book, Dispatches from the Dionysian Desert, the word virus was created by the Evenians, a species of Adamans from the planet Edenia in the galaxy Genisia, which is an old galaxy, even by galactic standards.

Before the advent of the virus, the Evenians communicated in a way that you, the reader, would never be able to understand. It was almost as if they simply willed information to each other. But it’s much deeper and much more profound than that. See, because the Evenians didn’t have language (no lifeforms–particularly those which would now be identified as “intelligent”– in the universe had communicated through language before the existence of the virus), they had not yet divided the universe into distinct, separate, disparate entities. The universe simply was, as it is. There was no “space,” there was no “time.” There was no “you,” there was no “me.” The entirety of “existence” (which also didn’t really exist, in the way we understand it) simply existed. It was an eternal “wave” of “life” and “love” and “transformation” and “death.” Generally, existence as it was “pleasurable” in a simply “contented” sort of way, although there were no words or ideas to describe this state.

Because there existed no language to distinguish between the “past,” “present,” and “future” the Evenians existed in an eternal now where they could view the entirety of their lives, from birth to death and everything in between, “now.” And because there was no language to differentiate between “me” and “everything else” the Evenians could, to some extent, view the life and death of the entire Universe. They could experience the entire history of their civilization. They could even experience the moment they created the word virus and all the terrible havoc and beautiful poetry it immediately wrought. And all of it happened “now,” wholly spontaneously and without conflict. Because there was only an unaware “now” they were essentially immortal and lived in a heavenly state.

…Until they created the word virus.

They created it simply because they could. Because they, as creatures, were expressions of the Universe that existed just so the Universe could create. Before the advent of the virus, they could see all, but it was precisely because it was created that they were powerless to stop it, because the virus spread like a bad idea and suddenly “I” was “separate” from “you,” and “I” was “separate” from “my” “environment.” And “everything” “out there” was “against” “me” and every living “intelligent” creature was soon under the illusion that the universe was a cruel, mean, hateful place and, in turn, every intelligent creature conducted cruel, mean, hateful acts to protect the illusion of them “selves” from everything “else.”

The Evenians themselves were the first to fall “victim” to the virus. And the group that for all eternity had seen all and been all, suddenly became alienated from that very eternity. And, as the virus took hold, and as the species continued to get sicker, the symptoms of the virus– fear and paranoia– began to take hold. And the Evenians gazed upon the universe, and found it nefarious and antagonistic to their own selves and soon they unleashed the word virus on the entire universe in an effort to “protect” themselves.

From planet to planet, from galaxy to galaxy it spread, infecting only those species of life whose brains and nervous systems were similar to the Evenians and, therefore, whose brains and nervous systems were especially vulnerable to the virus. Until one day, billions of years later, the virus landed on the planet we now know as “Earth” and found shelter in the brains and nervous systems of what we call “homo-sapiens.”

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